I have decided I am going to be committed to increase my life savings, so I am going to make sure my life savings is greater than the temperature in Wisconsin. Right now it’s -31 degrees and my life savings is $9.36 cents so I am good for at least a couple of days. There is supposed to be about a 60 degree swing in the next four days so I have my work cut out for me. Probably have to run the aluminum cans to the recycling to get my savings up. Trust me, with Big Rod and the Basement Boys confined to the house for two days with no work, our aluminum collection should be worth $30 by Friday.
My Super Bowl Bets:
- I will bet my life savings that the team that scores first will lose.
- I will bet my life savings Maroon 5 will cover the SpongeBob song “Sweet Victory” at halftime to honor Stephen Hillenburg who died this year at the age of 57.
- I will bet my life savings that a big special teams play will be seen as the “game changing” moment for the winning team. (stopped or converted fake punt, blocked punt, missed or blocked PAT or FG, or a KO or punt return for a TD)
- I will bet my life savings someone at your Super Bowl party brings their own cooler of cheap beer because they are afraid everyone is going to be talking about the latest IPA or microbrew they have tried and they just want to drink and not worry about the difference between Pale Ales, Stouts, Porters and all that other bullshit.
- I will bet my life savings Todd Gurley’s involvement in the game plan is much bigger than it was in the conference championship game. He will have more rushing yards than anyone in the game.
- I will bet my life savings that Patriots RB James White will have more receptions than anyone in the game.
- I will bet my life savings that there is a Super Bowl commercial that offends conservatives.
- I will bet my life savings that someone at your Super Bowl party brings a Vegan or Gluten free chip dip and you try it and tell them it tastes great when you really can’t even taste the difference between that and the paste you used to eat in kindergarten.
- I will bet my life savings that after the Patriots win the game Bill Belichick and Tom Brady’s impending possible retirement will rule the sports show’s talking heads for three days. Some examples.
“They should go out together and on top. It has been an amazing run.”
“No, Brady is going to play until he is 45, they got another one in them”
“LeBron James is awesome”
“They should go now, the talent is gone from this team”
“The Patriots Dynasty has three or four more years, keep going!”