Rating 10 Random Non-Super Bowl Commercials

With a couple of days off due to temperatures around -20 degrees I had a little too much time on my hand in front of the TV.  As the Super Bowl neared everyone talked about the commercials and it made me think, if they can make those good, why are the other ones so bad? I rated them worst to best, 10 is the worst, 1 is best of just a few of the bad commercials that caught my eye.
10. Shaq and The General Insurance – Shaq carries on a conversation with an animated general aimed at a target audience of underemployed 20 somethings with bad driving records. They attempt to add some humor to it but it just doesn’t work. I would think Shaq doesn’t need the money so why in the hell is he doing this? This is not Mean Joe Greene in the touching Coke commercial or even O.J. running through the airport for Hertz (let that soak in for a awhile) or Peyton Manning selling Nationwide Insurance.

I don’t think being on a commercial that airs multiple times during a weekday is an avenue into stardom. I will give The General some credit though for having an annoying jingle that gets stuck in people’s head. That is a classic for commercials airing during workdays. Like cash settlement ads. (you just starting singing JG Wentworth’s jingle didn’t you)


9. Law Office Commercials – In this slot it’s not an individual commercial but a collection of law office commercials looking for lawsuits for people injured in an accident, someone who took some medicine that gave them terrible side effects or possibly killed them and especially those people who had some sort of mesh surgery that went wrong and you still pee yourself.


8. Twizzler – Serious face gets a smile when a Twizzler is forced upon their face. Are they telling us that is the way to eat them, have a friend dangle it in front of your face? Is it that weird approach to eating it that makes a person smile or is it the fact that you now have a Twizzler. I don’t get it.


7. The Tax Doctor – Should be really be celebrating people being allowed to not pay taxes for some years and then settling for a discounted rate while the rest of us pay all of our taxes. I don’t like it.


6. Bob’s Discount Furniture – The little doll guy (“Bob”)  gives me the creeps and it is so cheesy I’m not sure if there is attempted humor in there or if the person they grabbed off the street to sit next to the creepy doll just can’t sell his or her lines.


5. Download Best Fiends – It’s about downloading a game and reminds everyone that its friends without the “r” because they understand and know the target audience does not even know what a fiend is. It’s on all the time. How is a game you can download on your phone going to make enough money to pay for a bunch of terrible ads?


4. Lovesac – I think its a couch. I think the name could be used in a variety of other products you couldn’t advertise on TV. If they had the B52’s singing Love Shack during the commercial, it would be at #1. On a side note, I once stopped in Sac, Iowa to buy beer just so I could say I stopped at Sac Liquors.


3. Pepsi Ice the Kicker Commercial – It’s pretty bad, cheesy and features Ron Rivera as a coach icing the kicker. But, because it gives all the Bear’s fans flashbacks to their playoff loss to the Eagles, I rated it pretty high. But, if it is on during the Super Bowl, you have to chug the drink you have in your hand at the time and sing the jingle for The General Insurance and JG Wentworth.


2. Peloton – “On To the Next One” is pretty catchy so I rated it pretty high plus I feel better about myself watching people workout in commercials because they don’t show people my age struggling to pedal while the “instructor” is like, “Get that old fat ass moving before the discount at Cracker Barrel is over”.


1. Frank’s Redhot Hot Sauce – “I put that shit on everything”. Like the slogan, like the commercial. The subtle, ‘I put it on everything including your coworkers lunch’ really sold it for me. I actually expect to see this Super Bowl Sunday.

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